Finding a language I can call my own

Ever since my family immigrated to Canada, I’ve been trying to find the perfect balance between Russian, the language of my family, and English, the language of my new home.  When I was young, I us…

In an industry gatekept by nepotism and whiteness, I have to seek my own creative catharsis

No matter where I go, I see media reflecting a society that centers on whiteness, no matter how “inclusive” they claim to be. Growing up, I was filled with a silent frustration towards almost every…

Trying to lose my virginity shattered my views on sex

This article discusses sexual assault and may be triggering for some readers. The Kingston Sexual Assault Centre’s 24-hour crisis and support phone line can be reached at 613-544-6424 / 1-800-544-6…

Restructuring my relationship with food

This article discusses disordered eating and may be triggering for some readers. The Canadian Mental Health Association Crisis Line can be reached at 1-800-875-6213. The way I look was one of the o…

Parting with my roots is more difficult than I expected

In April of 2019, I moved back to Prince Edward County for the final time.    That summer, I settled into the spare bedroom of my aunt’s apartment, which was filled with nothing but a mattress on t…

‘Red’ grew up with me in ‘Taylor’s Version’

This article discusses sexual assault and may be triggering for some readers. The Kingston Sexual Assault Centre’s 24-hour crisis and support phone line can be reached at 613-544-6424 / 1-800-544-6…

Letting go of my fears of the world ending

I spent my childhood waiting for the world to end.  The idea that some big event could happen at any time and change my entire life was always in the back of my mind—and I had no say in the matter….

I’m going to stop performing my queerness for validation

I experience an enormous amount of pressure to perform my queerness to the perfect rhythm. If I’m a little offbeat, I risk coming off as disinterested in someone I like. If I forget a step, someone…

There’s more to running than burning calories

This article discusses eating disorders and may be triggering for some readers. The Canadian Mental Health Association Crisis Line can be reached at 1-800-875-6213.   Part of my self-worth has alwa…

Not a girl: Exploring my gender identity

Back in twelfth grade, I wrote a panicked journal entry beginning with the line, “I don’t think I’m a girl.” It’s difficult to question something you’ve accepted as a straightforward truth all your…

Overthinking is my Shakespearean tragedy

Overthinking has absorbed my university life. I find myself bound by standards for and perceptions of myself—and sometimes it goes overboard.   I refer to my overthinking as an “analysis curse.” I …

My American citizenship branded me an ‘other’ at Queen’s

On my first day at Queen’s, I drove to Kingston with my parents in a U-Haul, unloaded my things on my floor in Gordon Brockington Hall, and understood what it meant to be an outsider in Canada. Sit…

Achieving the 'that girl' aesthetic is harder than you think

It’s been exactly one year and one month since I slurped on a bowl of authentic Taiwanese beef noodle soup. One year and one month since I’ve seen my parents, not through a small black screen, but …

Coming to terms with my ADHD

During my second year at Queen’s, I worried I might flunk out. Lectures were grueling tests of endurance and narrowing my thoughts enough to focus on my professors felt impossible. Worst of all, I …

The realities of being a young woman of colour in politics

I never understood why women of colour are so underrepresented in Canadian politics. I’ve read textbooks with chapters on intersectionality and barriers to political engagement, and I’ve heard fema…

Queen’s lacks the social advocacy, progress, and morality it prides itself on

I never expected to be involved in social justice and advocacy. I’m a first-generation Canadian born in a major city. I was raised in a relatively conservative immigrant family who came to Canada a…

Living honestly, writing authentically: Learning to be truthful with myself

All I did in my first year of university was lie to myself. I didn’t know what I wanted to do socially or academically, but I kept telling myself  I did. I was unsure of what I wanted to study, who…

An exploration of Queerness, creativity, and mental health at Queen’s

This article discusses mental health and may be triggering for some readers. The Canadian Mental Health Association Crisis Line can be reached at 1-800-875-6213.  This article uses “Lesbian, Bisexu…

A silver lining: How COVID-19 introduced me to my closest friends

The most incredible aspect of living in residence is the opportunity to influence, and be influenced by, people you likely never would’ve met otherwise. As I’ve often been told by my parents, advis…

Last words

Raechel Huizinga, Editor in Chief    This year, the Journal house was mostly empty.    190 University Ave., for me, had always been a hub of activity: layout room laughter, couch room banter, a pla…

Bursting and leaving the commerce bubble

Around this time three years ago, I was anxiously awaiting my acceptance to Queen’s Commerce. At the time, I had already been accepted to every other university I applied to, and I was terrified of…

Tracing my roots back to my Grandfather’s childhood home in Scotland

Two years ago, in a small suburb outside of Glasgow, I had an evening I’ll never forget.   It was reading week, 2019, and a close friend and I were on the second day of our week-long trip around th…

Learning to say goodbye during the pandemic

I think it’s safe to say everyone has learned something new during the pandemic. Some people picked up knitting, others learned how to skate. What I gained this year, however, was something more si…

Navigating my body image following an abortion

This piece mentions abortion and may be triggering for some readers. The Canadian Mental Health Association Crisis Line can be reached at 1-800-875-6213.     For a while now, I’ve been on the hunt …

The melting pot: How my housemates and I bonded over food

When my five housemates and I met in October of our first year at Queen’s, all that connected us was a mutual friend, Amy. We were six young women thrown together, each from different religious bac…

The token Black friend

I’ve found that white people are often more worried about being called racist than they are about actually being racist.  I’ve known white people who throw fits at the mere suggestion of being labe…

What it’s like being a ‘Castle Kid’

Back in 2018, I went out on a limb and accepted an offer to do my first year of undergrad at the Queen’s Bader International Study Centre (BISC), located in East Sussex, England, where students go …

Uprooting ‘hustle culture’ and its toxic byproducts

I attended a competitive high school where I took AP classes, made honour roll every year, and graduated with awards—but competition wasn’t limited to academic achievement. My peers competed for th…

Clubs taught me what my professors couldn’t

January is almost over, and as Journal readers know, the annual search for new student government and club executives is underway. As much as this time is about new beginnings, reflecting on the pa…

Regrowing my foreskin

This article discusses depression, suicidal thinking, and sexual assault and may be triggering for some readers. The Canadian Mental Health Association Crisis Line can be reached at 1-800-875-6213….

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