Hi there, Journal readers! Our names are S and M, and together, we are yours truly: S&M. Convenient? We know. Clever? Maybe. 

We know what you’re thinking: why is there a sexual innuendo as a newspaper headline? Allow us to shed a little light for you. 

S and M met on a fateful first day of university, three years ago. Man, what a Kodak moment. 

S was wearing a terrible tank top from Gap and a big chunky headband. M didn’t know what to make of her. She stayed close to the door, so she could make a quick escape if needed. 

We were both very small and very afraid of our new setting. We came to university without any of our friends from home, and felt kind of alone.

We quickly became friends — mostly because S won’t let M leave her sight — and we’ve been soul sisters and confidants ever since. We’ve been there for each other’s most embarrassing moments, including sexual escapades, STD scares and breakups. 

We got through those moments that can feel like the end of the world because we were there for each other. 

But, we know that sometimes you just haven’t found your S or M right away. We also know that sometimes you have questions you just don’t want to ask your friends or that you’re worried about people judging you. 

Let us be very clear: we’re here to be your brand new, twenty-something, millennial trash, fairy godparents. We are in no position to ever judge anyone, ever. 

We won’t be shocked. Go ahead, ask us your burning questions about dating, sex, relationships, life, stresses, work or even cats. Whatever you need, trust us, we’ve been there. We want to help make your life a little easier by sharing the knowledge that three years of the ups and downs of university life has taught us. 

Disclaimer: we aren’t medical professionals. We don’t even play them on TV. We aren’t in LifeSci or Biology. We don’t know what “MCAT” stands for but there are people who do. 

So, what can you ask us?  

Well, ask us about how to safely send nudes, how to define the relationship or about one-night stands. Ask us about our personal preferences and opinions on birth control methods, ask us how to survive a bad first date, how to find the friends who’re right for you or how to tell your hookup that you’re, well, over it. 

Tell us what’s been bugging you. Are you trying to figure out the best way to tell your friends about your sexual orientation? Are you nervous about losing your virginity? 

Are you trying to figure out how to go from “nah we’re just friends” to “meh, he’s cool” to something… more? 

What about figuring out how to balance your significant other with your demanding life? Ask us for an opening line when you want to talk to your crush. Ask us about how to be respectful to your roommate when you need privacy in your res room. 

Send us an email with your questions to sandmqueensjournal@gmail.com. Don’t worry, your email or name will be kept completely anonymous — this is your chance to become Sleepless in Seattle! 

So, write in. Tell us what’s up. We’ll get back to you with an answer in our next issue. Talk it out and laugh about it! 

Take comfort in knowing that there are two other students out there who’ve been in the same position and want to help you out. 

Who knows, you might even learn something. 

Until next time, 

– S&M  😉