To us, it might seem taboo, but polyandry and polygyny is regarded as the norm in rural Tibet.

Polyandry, when a wife has multiple husbands, and polygyny, when a husband has multiple wives, traditionally signifies affluence. Evidently, a wealthy person can afford to support more wives and children while maintaining their quality of life.

Worldwide, polygyny is more common than polyandry. But in the case of Tibet, polyandry is considered anomalous within humankind, while also working as a variation in the scheme of adaptive pair-bonding.

I personally witnessed polyandry while driving through Shigatse, Tibet, as part of my Queen’s Research Fellowship. While trying to find parking at a local market, we couldn’t help but notice a young woman flirting with our driver, referring to him as her husband, and her as his wife.

Their coy exchange — “Ain’t she pretty?” “Did you miss me?” — made me and my fellow passengers feel uncomfortable. The woman didn’t look the least bit offended and continued to play along with our driver’s jokes. As we were leaving, another Tibetan woman walked by and joked that she had eight husbands.

The feeling of discomfort made me reflect: Why I did I feel that way? Perhaps because polyandry and polygamy are so different than what our monogamously dominant society prescribes. But that prescription is limiting.

The two main motivations for polyandry in Tibet are to prevent partition of family property and lower the financial burden of marriage. Farmable land is sparse in Tibet, therefore polyandry is a way to keep agricultural land together. For instance, three brothers from one family will marry one girl to protect family property from being divided. Otherwise, if each of the three brothers married different wives, they would have to split the land three ways. Above all, Tibetans want to avoid losing their property to a joint extended family.

Another practice is bi-generational polyandry, which occurs when the wife dies before her sons are married. For instance, if the sons were in their late teens and the father was under 40, he would likely get remarried. But if the father and his new bride had children, their much younger children would be in competition with the children of his own sons. One alternative to this situation was for the father to share a bride with the older sons. This alternative practice highlights the importance of resolving possible partition conflicts when it involves preserving family land.

Additionally, if a man is poorer financially, he and his brothers will also marry one wife — known as fraternal polyandry — and work together to feed their family. The first child usually goes to the oldest brother. If the family is unable to afford to raise the child, they will give their child to a rich family to live and work permanently.

It’s important to keep in mind that a Tibetan marriage is not only between the husband and wife but also between the two families, which also keeps the wealth of families undivided.

In reality, there is no one-model-fits-all. It’s the conditions in which we live in that determine how and if we will form family units.

It took being on the other side of the globe to fully comprehend that the world we live in is a social construct. We are consciously or unconsciously trying to conform to “the” way of life when, in fact, there are various ways to lead a happy life.