If you happen to stumble upon our first blog featuring anal fisting with a “five-finger-duck-lips-motion”, you might encounter a curious question: what does it mean to be sexually active? It may be difficult to answer when a doctor asks you, since every person has their individual definition of “sex”.

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “sex” as “sexually motivated behaviour”, and Planned Parenthood agrees. However, just what is considered to be “sexually motivated behaviour” still needs to be defined by each individual.

For some people, penile-vaginal intercourse is the predominant understanding of sex. For others, it may be penile-anal intercourse only. A lot of activities that involve genitalia and the mouth or anus have been given the name “sex”, like “anal sex”, “vaginal sex”, and “oral sex”. These classifying terms mean that many people have considered these activities to be sex.

What do these terms have in common? They’re all sexual activities done with another person (or other people) that involve intimate physical contact.

So does that mean that any intimate contact with another person can be considered sex? Yes, you may consider any contact you find intimate to be sex. For some people, that may involve genital rubbing, touching, mutual masturbation and so on.

But, people don’t have to be physically together to be considered sexually intimate!

Partners may feel sexually aroused or sexually connected with their partner by doing sexual things together over Skype, masturbating while on the phone, sexting or doing any other sexy things together. Cybersex doesn’t involve the physical risks such as STIs and pregnancy, but the emotional impact can be very similar to physical sex.

Can sex occur without a partner? Anytime someone explores their own sexuality, whether it’s through masturbation, watching porn or reading erotica, it can have an effect on their sexual awareness. Oftentimes, people can be sexually satisfied without a partner or without doing activities that have the word “sex” in its name.

In a broad, yet individual, level, sex is something that makes one feel sexually aroused, excited, pleasured, and vulnerable.

For some people, the things that make them feel the most aroused may not be considered sexually arousing for others. Consider a person with, say, a chocolate fetish. If, for this person, eating chocolate is more sexually arousing than other acts of sex, then that person has the freedom to define chocolate-eating as their preferred form of sex.

One essential element of all definitions of sex is that it must be consensual. It’s absolutely impossible to have sex without consent. Therefore, assault is never sex.

One person’s idea of sex may be completely different than that of another person, and we should respect that. When approaching a sexual partner, for example, we should communicate what sex means to us and not assume that their definition of sex is the same as ours. That’s why consent must be ongoing and informed. When we understand what we want and respect what other people want, we’ll be on the way to having magnificent sex.