Last March, then-coworkers Ally and Josh happily used their roles as Lifestyle editors as an excuse to skip around town in search of the best milkshakes in Kingston. They found a timeless classic at Tommy’s, a measuring cup of sweet (if overly thick) deliciousness at The Works, and a well-balanced delight at Harper’s Burger Bar.  

But after the two read a Facebook comment on their article pointing out that they’d missed Reid’s Dairy on their quest for blended perfection, they realized Kingston had more to offer. 

Armed with Josh’s car, his lactose-sensitive but eager housemate, and their own personal cans of whipped cream, the pair returned to sniff, swirl, and guzzle new offerings like the experienced milkshake sommeliers they are.

Marble Slab

A: First we visited Marble Slab at the request of Josh, who apparently is a Marble Slab fiend with a frequent-buyer card. I’m no stranger to Marble Slab and their unlimited mix-ins, but I’ve never had one of their milkshakes.

Though I’m usually a chocolate girl, I was inspired to get the flavour Sweet Cream. I told Josh that something about the name made me think of someone serving me hand-churned ice cream on the veranda of a rural cottage. The look he gave me was stinging, but I was right. The sweet, simple flavour of my milkshake made me feel as if I was sitting next to Anne of Green Gables at an ice cream social.

As absolutely delicious as it was, it was expensive—a card-wielding Josh got his for free, but I had to pay over eight dollars for mine. Also, without a car, this adventure would be impossible since it’s a 15-minute drive from campus down Princess (and, according to Google Maps, over an hour-long walk). For me, Marble Slab was a sweet dream, but not a viable reality.

J: Since Kingston’s only Baskin Robbins ghosted me (read: was shuttered), I use Marble Slab to—as most therapists would say—fill the void. Therefore, it’s likely worth mentioning I received this milkshake for free thanks to redeeming a full punch card commemorating eight prior purchases at this establishment.

Since Marble Slab lets you mix together any of their flavours, I combined Double Dark Chocolate and White Chocolate ice cream for my milkshake. Outside of my milkshake obsession, I have virtually no sweet tooth and often find milk chocolate on its own too intense. The vanilla from the white chocolate and the bitterness of dark chocolate helped counteract the drink’s blatant sugary taste. Few other shops would allow for such a weirdly specific flavour to exist, but Marble Slab’s willingness to please will likely have me filling out another punch card.

Rating: 5/5 (if you have a car!)

Reid’s Dairy

A: Let’s be honest, Josh and I went to Reid’s Dairy last year as soon as we saw the Facebook comment. The experience was life-changing, but not in a good way. Our minds were blown when we realized that Reid’s sold large milkshakes for only a toonie. However, considering that we’d each just finished our own personal pizzas, getting large chocolate shakes was in no way a smart move. The night ended in a three-hour food coma on Josh’s living room floor.

This time, we came jaded but prepared. We both only ordered a small milkshake (which was only a dollar) and, honestly, thank god for that. Reid’s milkshakes are tasty, but boy, are they thick. When we got our large milkshakes last time, we could barely get the shake through the straw. That said, something about the physics of the small cup made the drinking experience much easier this time. Either get a small or medium at Reid’s, or a spoon and a Tums. 

J: I think there is no greater crime than withholding the whereabouts of a perfect milkshake. When a Facebook user performed her civic duty on last year’s milkshake reviews by commenting that Reid’s Dairy shakes were “top-drawer,” I knew I had to make the trek to Bath Road and honour her selflessness.

I ordered a chocolate Looney Shake that cost me, in an M. Night Shyamalan-style twist, $1.05. After spending an inappropriate amount of time digging for a nickel, I dove into the sludge-like drink. I’m used to thick shakes, but I would’ve believed you if you told me this milkshake doubles as material used to make free-standing sculptures. Once my initial shock at this texture passed, I was pleasantly surprised by the light chocolate flavour and airy taste. The Looney Shake may not have a special ‘wow’ factor, but for its price—extra nickel and all—this drink lives in highest of top drawers.

Rating: 4/5

Cacao 70

A: I’d like to preface this by saying: don’t even bother reading Josh’s take on this milkshake experience. Cacao 70’s milk chocolate milkshake had a rich chocolate flavour without being overly sweet. Josh ruined his palate by also ordering chocolate peanut butter fondue, which no doubt made this stellar shake underwhelming to him. It was a noob move, but feel free to read his comments if you’re really curious. 

J: If I were to trust anywhere in Kingston to know their chocolate inside and out, it would be the place with Cacao in the name.

Though I love their other dishes, something about my milk chocolate shake felt wholly underwhelming. The chocolate flavour was present, but not especially notable or rich. The texture was blended, but straddled the line between thick and thin. I appreciated the shake-to-dollar ratio, as the price here was lower than Marble Slab, though I was given more drink to consume. However, by the time I finished the milkshake, I had nearly forgotten I drank it in the first place.

Ally’s (more important) Rating: 4.5/5

Josh’s (misinformed) Rating: 2.5/5