When I tell my friends I recently became a sexually liberated woman, they often reply with a furrowed brow.

My sexual enlightenment started at a concert downtown with a long-time friend of mine, Finn.* When the band played the song both of us had our first kisses to, I decided to make a move, and next thing I knew we were in the stairwell hooking up.

Finn and I continued to sleep together for a few weeks, anytime and anywhere that we could. We found spots to meet up in libraries and lecture halls, and it was the best sex of my life.

Being good friends meant we could share our honest thoughts and feelings about sex, and we were extremely open with each other. We talked about our fantasies, kinks, likes and dislikes, things we wanted to try, and made playlists for different moods. Nothing was off limits with him. Our relationship was kept chill, consensual, and fun. 

A couple weeks into seeing each other, Finn texted me to come over because he had dogs at his house. When I got there, I instead found our mutual friend, Rachel,* who was visiting from Ottawa. 

Without my knowing, Finn had asked her to come to Kingston to sleep with me.

I wasn’t sure if I should be happy and excited, or weirded out, but I’d been interested in being with someone of the same sex for a little while. Finn already knew this, and Rachel is the most open-minded person I know: she identifies as queer and believes everyone is entitled to understandingtheir sexuality. 

Excited about helping a friend explore her sexual fantasies, 

Rachel took the lead with getting our threesome started. Once we got into the groove, things were pretty funny. There was a lot of laughter because I had no idea what I was doing, yet was somehow not terrible at it. 

The whole experience was nothing like how I imagined a threesome to be. It was so comfortable, fun, and relaxed. It started with just us women and, when Finn knocked on the door to make sure we were okay, we invited him in.

The best part about all of this is we explicitly asked for consent from each other—not just at the beginning of our threesome, but as we continued as well. The three of us laid down some ground rules: no anal sex, ask first before venturing somewhere new, and no phones. 

After turning our phones off, the three of us got to it. We talked, kept our movements light and gentle, and just went with the flow. The experience was more about exploration, and I found it to be wildly informative for learning what I like and finding what my partners liked too. Rachel and I both agreed it was a big confidence boost to engage intimately in a judgement-free group. 

Although Finn and I stopped seeing each other sexually, I’m grateful for our experiences together. Having my first threesome with two long-time friends wasn’t just the first time I’d ever felt any sort of sexual liberation—it taught me the more you talk about sex with your partner, the better it gets. 

*Names have been changed to protect the anonymity of students.

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